Plusses’ of Indian traffic

Plusses’ of Indian traffic
Deccan Herald

A brand new year, a brand new day. But some things never change. Like the traffic on Bangalore’s roads.

A brand new year, a brand new day. But some things never change. Like the traffic on Bangalore’s roads.

I know several self-appointed experts who say once you have driven through the maniacal maze that is Indian traffic, you can drive anywhere else in the world. I used to agree with them until I analysed the situation more closely, thus becoming a self-appointed expert myself.

Upon this close analysis, I discovered that Indian traffic meanders along. It is almost impossible to find a straight stretch of traffic. This is especially through within city limits, where people cut lanes faster than a hot knife through even hotter butter. Shining examples are the pioneers of zig-zag traffic — the auto rickshaw drivers. Observe an auto and you shall see it moves not unlike a crab — always sideways, never straight. Unless of course, the crab (read auto rickshaw driver) is so drunk that he starts moving unnaturally (read straight). So what should we do to these drivers? There is no answer! Indian traffic comes with its banes and boons. The banes are innumerable. There are, however, two heaven-sent boons.

Boon 1:

It restricts brain drain because the Indians who go abroad find that they are unable to drive in foreign traffic, which is more often than not orderly. Zig-zagging has become an old habit and as the saying goes, “Old habits die hard”, and in a certain Bruce Willis’ case, it dies hard with a vengeance. Thus, most Indians are forced to return to their motherland for want of Indian traffic.

Boon 2:

Ever heard of sibling rivalry? Well, Indian traffic has the power to induce brotherly qualities among motorists. Explicit profanities spew from mouths in all directions, thereby extending one’s vocabulary in every language known to man. In some situations, if a person hangs around the scene long enough, he might also get a basic introductory course to the art of street fighting, for free. So, if you have ever nurtured dreams of going abroad, I would strongly recommend that you employ a chauffeur here in India.