METER UP

METER UP
We all know how much the city’s typical autorickshaw driver is detested. But that grumpy exterior notwithstanding, he can be a really useful chap
GAYATRI NAIR

Who better to show you
the city?
It’s not about whether you are ready for some Bangalore Darshan or not. The deal is you get one anyway. Like ek ke saath sab free. Of course, you have to pay, however unwittingly. Better than any city map, any historian, the auto driver will know every nook and cranny, every corner and turn to reach every place. Remember the famous line, ‘Should I take a left or a right?’ when you thought there was just one simple way to your destination? Or better still and the more famous one “Route gothilla, saar.” Huh, really to M G Road? “I will tell you macha,” you try to reason but the driver refuses to budge. “But I am not sure,” he pleads till you are led into offering to show him the way. That’s it, after that he will take you through the route he alone knows, because the route that you mentioned was “full of one ways” though an obvious shorter one. He helps you alright, after he adds to your knowledge of all the roads not to take to get where you want to.
Who better to evaluate
your current worth?
Twenty, thirty, one and half meter, double meter, property, bank balance, everything kodi saar! So want to know how much you are worth in Indian currency? Or how wealthy you look? Let the auto driver examine. The mechanism involved is rather simple. You call an auto to a stop. You tell the driver where you want to go, he takes a look at you and says, “Twenty rupees extra kodi.” You are shocked, but hold on. Be pleased, he’s put you in the category of the rich. Since there is no point arguing with him, you take the ride. Now if the driver charges “one and a half meter,” you should be beaming. According to the driver you have now been upgraded to
as part of the elite.
Who better to keep time?
The English look up to the Big Ben, we refer to the auto driver. There is an old saying on the streets of Kempegowda’s city, that Big Ben can be wrong but not Bangalore’s auto driver, because just as the clock strikes 10 pm, there is a rise in the auto fares without fail. The drivers will not take you anywhere without charging one and half or in even worse cases double the meter reading! Very soon, you will find them driving around with stamp papers asking you to mortgage your property for a lift!
No better fitness expert
(Situation one) ‘I know it’s nearby, I refuse to walk,’ you want to cry out but to no avail. The autowallah has just deigned that you walk to where you want to go. Did you just refuse, now that’s blasphemy. Since you refused to do what the Auto Raja has asked you to do, soon every auto parked near by will treat you like a pariah. You will, finally, be forced to go walking and, guess what, stay healthy.
(Situation two) You think you are gaining weight, but your near and dear ones hesitate to tell you the truth. Your girlfriend/boyfri-end loves you too much (and themselves much more) to spell it out either. Why depend on them when you have the straight-forward, no-nonsense drivers’ speak. These will look square into your eyes and say, “You cannot travel in my auto, I just got it renovated,
and frankly I think you are a tad bit (sometimes they can be polite too) overweight.” Ouch! that would have hurt, but still it was your own good.
Who better to coach you in being creative?
Attention all ad agencies looking for copywriters. You have the auto driver to the rescue. When it comes to creative responses, this tribe can give even Prasoon Joshi a run for his money. Sample this. You approach a driver sitting idle by his auto and you give him an address. He simply looks at you and says, “Not today sir, it’s my anniversary and my wife has asked me not to drive.” Then why the heck have you lined up the vehicle? Try to comprehend that as much as you want but you will not get an answer. The Auto Raja has decided to test creative ways to say no to working for a while. And it worked. Lesson worth learning.